pimper than pimp

So you've memorized the book of pimp moves, you know the game, and you get this next-level, ultrapimp notion to have the germans make you an ultrapimp platinum car—not stainless steel, which was so like done in the 80's, but straight up platinum—and with that you're all superconfident you got the pimp sweepstakes won. every organization responsible for making lists of leading pimps will put your shit at the tippy top. a platinum car. blue-ribbon, first prize-at-the-county-fair-winning PIMP. you're so fucking pimp you can wear a dress all day and people still be all, "Daaaamn. Pimp." and then some motherfucker safely lands a plane on the motherfucking hudson river.

as shown above, all your shit can do is drive to the mall. order an Orange Julius. front like some pilot didn't just leave a slap mark on your face so deep CSI can I.D. his fingerprints.

crap

"I'm dead, Will Robinson."

keeping y'all up-to-the minute, supplying the breaking 411 as frequently as every 6 or 8 months, sometimes means sharing hard news too. like a choice hot dog, you have to eat the asshole with the loin. that's just the nature of remnant meat. and news. (sorry, i don't make the rules. i just rule.)

the boring-ass version:

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/21/arts/television/21may.html?_r=1

I apologize for fucking up your day. No i don't.

fuck me.

Mecca:

http://www.harryshofbrau.com/reviews.html

On Losing Gracefully

With the 100-Meter Freestyle world record holder, Alain Bernard, anchoring its men's 4 X 100 olympic-relay team, the French team, with a half-second lead entering the final 100-Meter leg—Bernard's—lost the gold medal to the Americans by 0.08 of a second.

The New York Times reports:

[Alain Bernard's] teammate, Frederick Bousquet, who split a blistering 46.63 on the third leg, said, “We believed in the gold medal until the end.” He added, “The touch made the difference and experience overcame talent.”

Did everyone get that? If America's Leading Blog™ may help translate, Bousquet's saying of the American team: "Only their touch at the wall was better than our whole 4-man relay" and "We lost but we're more talented."

Congratulations, France, officially, from America's Leading Blog™.
At being French you once again take the gold.

Have a drink on ALB:





















XO,

fedge



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THIS JUST IN...

Consistent with the journalistic innovation its readership demands, America's Leading Blog™ makes it a policy, after reporting an event, to discover already-published backstory to that event, then to re-publish it as breaking news. Hence:

UPDATE—the story reported above gets better. The French not only lost like frenchmen, small f, they also talked shit prior to the event they lost. Mostly by saying they'd really REALLY win the event they lost. Also from the New York Times:

“That was awesome,” Phelps chortled about Lezak’s stunning leg of 46.06 seconds, which caught Alain Bernard, the Frenchman who had predicted his team would “smash” the Americans.

If anyone cares to source Bernard's original prophecies and to post them in the comments section, America's Leading Blog™ wouldn't hate it at all. America's Leading Blog™ is too busy to chase down every bullshit thing some French dude said.

XOXO,

fedge

HOW TO RUIN A BLT:

Have a Dutch caterer make it.

If no Dutch caterers are around, try any Dutch person.

For all its observational powers, America's Leading Blog™ can't pinpoint why the normally simple Dutch, whose palate has evolved to appreciate a multitude of flavors strictly in the beige range—bear in mind The Dutch invented deep-fried gravy—ALB™ can't figure what has motivated this people to take the world's simplest, most unfuckuppable recipe, the BLT, the ingredients of which are right there in its glorious fucking name, and turn it into something a sympathetic heart would hesitate to serve to the person atop humanity's shit list.

At what point, we have to wonder, does someone think a BLT could be improved by the addition of sprouts and pine nuts? That's not a typo. Sprouts, bean. Also: nuts, pine. As in, sprouts and pine nuts. on a BLT. "The world needs a BLTSP." And further, "Why don't we put it on a baked cheese roll covered in pumpkin seeds?" Sure. Why not? At last. the perfect BLTSPCPS.

At the risk of cementing its primadonna image, America's Leading Blog™ (ALB™ —not ALBSPCPS™) would request simply that a motherfucker keep the motherfucking sprouts and pine nuts—pine fucking nuts are you fucking kidding me—off its motherfucking already-perfected B to the L to the motherfucking T.

is that TFM to A?

XOXO,

LMNOP,

fedge

Now You Know

if you thought this man was scared to keep his game tight, you're straight-up out of your fucking mind. like, surgeons are asking if they can peel back your skull to see if you have a brain, and you're all "sure, no problem."

Easily The All-Time Best Thing Ever Unless You're A Pig And Even Then It'll Make You Go "That's pretty fucken good."

You're welcome.