first of all, while we're on the topic, fuck banksy. that dude is what he purports to loathe, yet he loves himself.
ok.
soon after i moved back to new york from amsterdam i fell in like with this neckface shit i saw everywhere. i had a buddy help me jack one of his awesome pieces right off of a wall in soho. we used to work construction together in baltimore, so we wore our construction clothes, got our morning coffee, rolled up in his pick up, and waved hello to passing police from our work site.
then the construction workers at my new apartment threw it away thinking it was some of their own trash from the remodel.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Montansk
America's Leading Blog™ is in Montana, America, for the sole purpose of i don't need no reason to be in Montana.
what America's Leading Blog™ can recall of the visit thus far:
clouds laying down on mountains as powder snow. the mountains rake the white right out of them.
falcons on telephone wires disapproving of passing cars.
the tops of pines without needles, the wood like a toe sticking through a stretched green sock.
at one point we were driving up the long valley to heaven, when America's Leading Blog™ heard a distinct beep. at first it didn't register; probably a cellphone battery announcing its impending death. something the modern (and Leading™) blog knows to tune out. but then the same beep sounded again, not from a cell phone. then another. and as they came faster your Paragon Blog™ didn't sit there mouth-breathing and dumbfounded, as if drool hanging from the lower lip were the answer to life's every puzzle. the beeps--louder and faster, now--could mean but one thing: that the missile was homing in on us, and fast.
evasive action was called for, with the natural consequence that we exploded through a snow drift, jumped an embankment like to make bo and luke duke know they'd been beat, and landed in a cattle rancher's field. seems plausible, right? you take evasive action, you wind up in a field with snow up to the windows, and you thank goodness you outdrove hostile ordnance. a good thing all around, really.
try, though, to get any recent graduate of the Montana State Trooper Academy to take a quick look around for the missile impact site, thereby corroborating your story. just a quick peek within no more than a quarter-mile radius. you'll wonder if all law enforcement officials receive bonus pay for laziness, and you'll lament--to deaf ears--that the training academies take no pride in the investigative rigor nor mental endurance of their graduates.
fortunately these rookie officers at least know their manners, and respectfully insist upon use of their car. even going so far as to chauffeur the recently attacked/stranded.
after a brief tour of Bozeman, Montana, which concluded at the Courthouse, the officers introduced America's Leading Blog™ to a man in a black robe--himself, it almost goes without saying, a committed reader of America's Leading Blog™--who was able to answer certain burning questions that any sane advocate of America's Leading Blog™ would not have hesitated to ask. (to wit: did these uniformed dipshits have any fucking clue whom they just had the good fortune to assist? did they think any old fucking '99 subaru happened to land in permanently shit-stained Montana acreage, which God himself had the good sense to hide under a cloak of white?)
those assembled naturally warmed to the right, honorable, and reasonable views of America's Leading (and Favorite™) Blog™. they came correct, in the parlance of our times. and not a second too soon, either, because, while America's Leading Blog™ enjoys meeting its globally-flung fans wherever they have the misfortune to call home, America's Leading Blog™ ain't got all fuckin day. you know what i'm screaming.
happy fucking new year and shit.
XO,
fedge
what America's Leading Blog™ can recall of the visit thus far:
clouds laying down on mountains as powder snow. the mountains rake the white right out of them.
falcons on telephone wires disapproving of passing cars.
the tops of pines without needles, the wood like a toe sticking through a stretched green sock.
at one point we were driving up the long valley to heaven, when America's Leading Blog™ heard a distinct beep. at first it didn't register; probably a cellphone battery announcing its impending death. something the modern (and Leading™) blog knows to tune out. but then the same beep sounded again, not from a cell phone. then another. and as they came faster your Paragon Blog™ didn't sit there mouth-breathing and dumbfounded, as if drool hanging from the lower lip were the answer to life's every puzzle. the beeps--louder and faster, now--could mean but one thing: that the missile was homing in on us, and fast.
evasive action was called for, with the natural consequence that we exploded through a snow drift, jumped an embankment like to make bo and luke duke know they'd been beat, and landed in a cattle rancher's field. seems plausible, right? you take evasive action, you wind up in a field with snow up to the windows, and you thank goodness you outdrove hostile ordnance. a good thing all around, really.
try, though, to get any recent graduate of the Montana State Trooper Academy to take a quick look around for the missile impact site, thereby corroborating your story. just a quick peek within no more than a quarter-mile radius. you'll wonder if all law enforcement officials receive bonus pay for laziness, and you'll lament--to deaf ears--that the training academies take no pride in the investigative rigor nor mental endurance of their graduates.
fortunately these rookie officers at least know their manners, and respectfully insist upon use of their car. even going so far as to chauffeur the recently attacked/stranded.
after a brief tour of Bozeman, Montana, which concluded at the Courthouse, the officers introduced America's Leading Blog™ to a man in a black robe--himself, it almost goes without saying, a committed reader of America's Leading Blog™--who was able to answer certain burning questions that any sane advocate of America's Leading Blog™ would not have hesitated to ask. (to wit: did these uniformed dipshits have any fucking clue whom they just had the good fortune to assist? did they think any old fucking '99 subaru happened to land in permanently shit-stained Montana acreage, which God himself had the good sense to hide under a cloak of white?)
those assembled naturally warmed to the right, honorable, and reasonable views of America's Leading (and Favorite™) Blog™. they came correct, in the parlance of our times. and not a second too soon, either, because, while America's Leading Blog™ enjoys meeting its globally-flung fans wherever they have the misfortune to call home, America's Leading Blog™ ain't got all fuckin day. you know what i'm screaming.
happy fucking new year and shit.
XO,
fedge
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