HOW TO RUIN A BLT:

Have a Dutch caterer make it.

If no Dutch caterers are around, try any Dutch person.

For all its observational powers, America's Leading Blog™ can't pinpoint why the normally simple Dutch, whose palate has evolved to appreciate a multitude of flavors strictly in the beige range—bear in mind The Dutch invented deep-fried gravy—ALB™ can't figure what has motivated this people to take the world's simplest, most unfuckuppable recipe, the BLT, the ingredients of which are right there in its glorious fucking name, and turn it into something a sympathetic heart would hesitate to serve to the person atop humanity's shit list.

At what point, we have to wonder, does someone think a BLT could be improved by the addition of sprouts and pine nuts? That's not a typo. Sprouts, bean. Also: nuts, pine. As in, sprouts and pine nuts. on a BLT. "The world needs a BLTSP." And further, "Why don't we put it on a baked cheese roll covered in pumpkin seeds?" Sure. Why not? At last. the perfect BLTSPCPS.

At the risk of cementing its primadonna image, America's Leading Blog™ (ALB™ —not ALBSPCPS™) would request simply that a motherfucker keep the motherfucking sprouts and pine nuts—pine fucking nuts are you fucking kidding me—off its motherfucking already-perfected B to the L to the motherfucking T.

is that TFM to A?

XOXO,

LMNOP,

fedge