how rude of me

forgive me for having neglected the topic for so long—i know you've been wondering, and probably just didn't know how to ask.

and please know: i don't blame you for not knowing how to ask. blame your unmet curiosity on my rudeness, not your shyness!

at any rate: how did i get such huge muscles?

it's an excellent question (thank you for asking), and one whose answer i wish could help more people. sadly, unless god owes you a big favor, no amount of gym work will earn you what i come by naturally. of course you think i'm bullshitting—i can't blame you for that, either. what person in his right mind, to look at me, wouldn't assume i spend 8 to 10 hours a day in the gym? i only tell you out of concern for you: you will never look like this. not in a million hours with the iron; not with the most experienced olympic coaches. don't bother to try!

sure, trainers competing for your custom, looking out for themselves only, will tell you what you want desperately to believe. "you want even the veins on your muscles to have muscles? i can do that for you." they don't care about you. i do. it's the least i can do—care—in exchange for the admiration i have understandably grown accustomed to.

what it comes down to is, i hate to see a reader disappointed by results he has, through solid effort, every right to expect, but which will never materialize on any frame but mine. one thing i recommend to most people: rather than marinade in the self-hatred that washes over you at the sight of me, try simply to appreciate how beautiful i am. get to a positive space. adoration of me is not only natural and normal—it's healthy! negativity constricts the arteries and strains the blackening heart. enjoy my physical aspect—go ahead! i don't mind!—or basically you lose twice.

have a great weekend!

XOXO,

fedge